Unfortunately, his mother's condition had not lessened. She was considered untreatable. At this point, my grandfather went into a deep depression. He went to work every day and he supported his family financially, but he stayed in the garage once he was home and spoke to no one. He disengaged himself from his family other than his obligation to provide for them financially.
I have heard many stories of growing up with a schizophrenic mother. First of all, because neither of his parents were mentally or emotionally able to provide for their children, my father often went hungry and shoeless. He lived in a small town where everybody knew about his mother's condition, and therefore had no friends at school. He would go out to farmers fields and pick fruits and vegetables to eat, and this was one of the ways he survived.
One day my father had come home to find that dinner had been prepared. He opened the pot to find his pet rabbit boiling in a stew. His mother had, on this day, remembered that she should feed her family, but had forgotten that the rabbit was a pet.
My grandmother was very paranoid. She lived in fear of outside forces that would attack. At times she felt certain that aliens were going to invade, other times it was simply "bad men" that she feared. She was sometimes certain that the end of the world was imminent and that everyone must pray for the salvation of their souls. When my father was a teenager, he came into the house and his mother attempted to shoot him (luckily there were no bullets in the gun. She thought he was one of the invaders she feared and did not recognize him as her son.
My father was blessed by his intellect. He spent most of his free time alone outdoors. He invented things wit natural objects that he found and explored the properties of nature. He knew from a young age that he did not want to stay in the town where he lived, and he viewed school as his means to liberation. He got perfect grades, and won a scholarship to The University of Illinois. He became a successful chemist, married and had two children, and now has six grandchildren.
Not all children of mentally ill parents are so lucky. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, children of mentally ill parents run a high risk of developing mental illness themselves. Additionally, because living with mental illness is stressful for the whole family, children are at harm due to neglect.
The following are behaviors often seen in children of mentally ill parents:
YOUNGER CHILDREN
- Marked fall in school performance
- Poor grades in school despite trying very hard
- Severe worry or anxiety, as shown by regular refusal to go to school, go to sleep or take part in activities that are normal for the child's age
- Frequent physical complaints
- Hyperactivity; fidgeting; constant movement beyond regular playing with or without difficulty paying attention
- Persistent nightmares
- Persistent disobedience or aggression (longer than 6 months) and provocative opposition to authority figures
- Frequent, unexplainable temper tantrums
- Threatens to harm or kill oneself
- Marked decline in school performance
- Inability to cope with problems and daily activities
- Marked changes in sleeping and/or eating habits
- Extreme difficulties in concentrating that get in the way at school or at home
- Sexual acting out
- Depression shown by sustained, prolonged negative mood and attitude, often accompanied by poor appetite, difficulty sleeping or thoughts of death
- Severe mood swings
- Strong worries or anxieties that get in the way of daily life, such as at school or socializing
- Repeated use of alcohol and/or drugs
- Intense fear of becoming obese with no relationship to actual body weight, excessive dieting, throwing up or using laxatives to loose weight
- Persistent nightmares
- Threats of self-harm or harm to others
- Self-injury or self destructive behavior
- Frequent outbursts of anger, aggression
- Repeated threats to run away
- Aggressive or non-aggressive consistent violation of rights of others; opposition to authority, truancy, thefts, or vandalism
- Strange thoughts, beliefs, feelings, or unusual behaviors
Often, professionals concentrate on the mental health of the parent and do not consider the health of the whole family. In order to stop the cycle of mental illness in families, the following steps are necessary for the health of children:
- Knowledge that their parent(s) is ill and that they are not to blame
- Help and support from family members
- A stable home environment
- Psychotherapy for the child and the parent(s)
- A sense of being loved by the ill parent
- A naturally stable personality in the child
- Positive self esteem
- Inner strength and good coping skills in the child
- A strong relationship with a healthy adult
- Friendships, positive peer relationships
- Interest in and success at school
- Healthy interests outside the home for the child
- Help from outside the family to improve the family environment (for example, marital psychotherapy or parenting classes)
It is amazing to find that children being raised in war-torn countries can suffer many of the same effects as children of mentally ill parents. And, as in the case of parental mental illness, "For young children, quality of care is the most important protective factor; caregivers play a critical shielding role as does the lack of understanding or awareness of the full meaning of the situation." Ann Masten
The description of the film "Children In War" states "At the end of the 20th Century, the targeting and killing of children in war has become another crime against humanity. Although the Principles of Protection and the Convention on the Rights of the Child in wartime are clearly defined by international law, these accepted standards of decency are routinely violated by governments and military leaders. In today's wars 90 percent of the casualties are civilians, compared to 50 percent in World War II. In the past ten years, two million children have been killed in wars throughout the world."
The following statistics refer to the effects of the Bosnian War on children:
BOSNIAAn estimated 15,000 children died in this three-year-long civil war.
UNICEF
An estimated 200,000 people were killed during the war which also produced 3 million refugees who were forcibly expelled from their homes by Serbian and Croatian ethnic cleansing.
UNHCR
After the Dayton Peace Accord, fewer than 10 percent of refugees were able to return home. The majority of refugees were displaced throughout the former Yugoslavia and the world.
UNHCR
Children living through wars cannot feel safety and security because those concepts are not a part of their reality. These children are hiding in bomb shelters listening to the sounds of mortar fire all around them. They emerge to see homes and cities destroyed - and then their parents go to fight in the war, leaving them feeling less protected than before. During the Bosnian War it was common practice for soldiers to rape and murder children and women, and now the children of the rape victims are coming to an age of understanding of their origins. Children who survived this time were traumatized, separated from their families, orphaned and terrified.
There are several organizations who have attempted to help lessen the psychological effects of war on the surviving children. Through art therapy and self-expression. However, the long-term effects are only now becoming apparent.
The only way to truly protect children from the effects of war is to stop war all together.
Masten, A. (2009). Effects of War on Children and Child Development. New York: The Melissa Institute.
Psychiatry, A. A. (2010). When to Seek Help for Your Family. Retrieved november 27, 2010, from American Academy of Child Adolescent Psychiatry: http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/children_of_parents_with_mental_illness
Raymond, A. a. (2003). Children In War. Retrieved November 27, 2010, from Children In War: http://www.videoverite.tv/childreninwar/thefilm.html
